“Forgive us for our mistakes, just like we forgive those who make mistakes against us…”
Even many non-religious Americans can recognize this part of the “Our Father.” But what do the words mean in our everyday lives? As Christians around the world finish the cleansing period of Lent and get ready for the remembrance of Jesus’ Suffering and Resurrection, the time before Easter gives a fitting opportunity for people of all beliefs to think about the role forgiveness plays in our everyday lives.
The Importance of Forgiveness
In the past few years, I have had two relationships — one work-related, one personal — where my behavior caused a separation. In both cases, I thought about my actions, confessed to the other person where I had gone wrong, and asked for forgiveness. In both cases, I got … silence in response.
My Catholic upbringing taught me that human wrongdoing, once confessed and forgiven in the sacrament of Reconciliation, is erased in God’s eyes. However, in reality, actions can linger, especially in human memory.
In my situation, I ended up losing two relationships I valued, while acknowledging my role in ending them. Even if the relationships had naturally reached their end, doing so after a frank conversation — even if it meant the other person shouted at me or refused to accept my apology — would have left something to ease the impact of my actions that caused the separation. As it turned out, all I am left with is silence and the memory of what I did.
Letting Go of Past Hurts
These situations have led me to think about our human need for forgiveness, which helps us move on from the ways in which we make mistakes. And yet I will readily acknowledge the challenge of the second part of Jesus’ teaching from the Pater Noster.
Even as I have fallen short with others, in recent months other close acquaintances have let me down in ways I find hard to understand. I look back on patterns of behavior and wonder whether and how I can trust them again.
Yet my mind keeps recalling a phrase I learned a long time ago, in a place I can't remember: You can be sure — and wrong. As certain as I may feel that colleagues who disappointed me won’t change, don’t understand the pain they caused, and may never understand, I also realize that my preconceived notions could be completely wrong. Just as I wished I had the opportunity to express my regret directly to those I had hurt and regret that they would not consider my apologetic pleas, so too should I not shut the door on others.
Embrace the Season of Hope
Writing in The Wall Street Journal in recent months, lawyer Mike Kerrigan has discussed two related ideas: The concept of mercy as “forgiveness beyond what is fair,” and love as “wanting the good of another.” Ultimately, kindness perhaps represents the purest act of love — forgiving someone not necessarily because they deserve it, but because we want to bring out the best in them and in ourselves.
In that same spirit, kindness and forgiveness ultimately symbolize an act of hope. By accepting an apology, the person granting forgiveness believes that the wrongdoer can correct their mistakes, heal their wounds, and follow Christ’s command in John’s Gospel to “Go and sin no more.”
The ideas of mercy, affection, and optimism are relevant to every religion. However, the start of spring and the renewal it brings, along with the Christian observance of Easter, demonstrate the potential and happiness that forgiveness can bring, including the certain guarantee of new life and Revival. I hope you experience, and participate in, this hopeful time.
